What Is Parental Alienation?
What Is Parental Alienation?
What Is Parental Alienation?
Parental alienation, often intentional, is a set of tactics and strategies of words, actions, and behaviors that a narcissistic parent (alienator) uses on the other (targeted) parent by using the child as a weapon.
When does it happen?
What Is Parental Alienation?
What Is Parental Alienation?
Parental alienation primarily occurs during a high-conflict divorce to get the child to side strongly with one parent over the other, forcing the child to choose between parents. It continues to occur post-divorce and into custody modifications. However, many non-married parents also experience parental alienation.
Who does it affect?
Who does it affect?
Who does it affect?
Parental alienation affects thousands and thousands of people worldwide. Many people think of "Fathers Rights" when they hear "Parental Alienation," but mothers are often the targeted parent. It affects the targeted parent and child, and other family members and friends that were once a part of their lives.
Why does it happen?
Who does it affect?
Who does it affect?
- New spouse/paramour
- Jealousy
- Revenge
- Mental illness and personality disorders
- Instability
- Alienator feels above the law
- Alienator wants full custody to avoid paying child support and other obligations
- Alienator wants full custody due to immigration issues and fear of being deported
- One parent wants higher child support from other parent
How is parental alienation used?
How is parental alienation used?
How is parental alienation used?
- Alienators (and step-parents) use gaslighting and manipulation, through the child, toward the other parent, by corrupting the child's sense of reality and accusing the other parent of being dangerous, bad, abusive, unsafe, and unfit. This is to suit their own needs.
- Child becomes fearful and eventually passive aggressive toward the the other parent.
- Eventually the relationship with child and the other parent dissolves, including relationships with that parent's family and often times once familiar communities.
- They are unable to develop their own identify because of the warped sense of reality.
Stages of parental alienation:
How is parental alienation used?
How is parental alienation used?
- Mild: Child resists visiting the targeted parent but still enjoys spending time and still has a relationship with that parent.
- Moderate: Child strongly resists visiting the targeted parent and maintains resentment.
- Severe: Child strongly resists any contact with the targeted parent and makes excuses to avoids contact and time with them.
Parental Alienation is ABUSE:
How is parental alienation used?
Parental Alienation is ABUSE:
Parental alienation is emotional and psychological abuse to the child and targeted parent.
The alienator and/or step-parent accuses the targeted parent of abuse but, in reality, they are the ones abusing the child.
SIGNS OF PARENTAL ALIENATION FROM ALIENATING PARENT/STEP-PARENT
SIGNS OF PARENTAL ALIENATION FROM ALIENATING PARENT/STEP-PARENT
SIGNS OF PARENTAL ALIENATION FROM ALIENATING PARENT/STEP-PARENT
- False abuse allegations against targeted parent - physical, emotional, and sexual
- Limiting contact between child and targeted parent
- Blaming the targeted parent for splitting the family
- Removing photos and mementos related to targeted parent or refusing to say the targeted parents' name in the house
- Questioning the child about details of visitation with targeted parent
- Extreme inflexibility and non-compliance of parenting plan or court order
- Exhibit extreme sadness when child goes to visitation with targeted parent so the child feels guilt
- Shaming child for having a relationship with targeted parent and encouraging child to express negative feelings toward targeted parent
- Interfering with child's visitation with targeted parent
- Accusing targeted parent of having mental disorders
SIGNS OF PARENTAL ALIENATION IN CHILDREN
SIGNS OF PARENTAL ALIENATION FROM ALIENATING PARENT/STEP-PARENT
SIGNS OF PARENTAL ALIENATION FROM ALIENATING PARENT/STEP-PARENT
- False abuse allegations against targeted parent - physical, emotional, and sexual
- Criticizing without cause, most cases severely
- Defend and deny the wrongdoing of the alienator
- Little to no feelings of guilt of hurtful words and actions
- Making excuses to not visit the targeted parent and can't justify why they don't want to be around them
- Increased anger, heightened feelings of neglect, destructive patterns, prone to lying, combative with others, and lack empathy
- Parrot the stories of the targeted parent
WHAT TO DO & HOW TO HELP PREVENT IT
SIGNS OF PARENTAL ALIENATION FROM ALIENATING PARENT/STEP-PARENT
WHAT TO DO & HOW TO HELP PREVENT IT
- Be a good example for your child
- Don't participate in toxic behavior
- Don't react to the toxic behavior
- Work to maintain a positive and loving relationship with your child
- Focus on getting through this phase and eventually seeing a positive outcome
- Document incidents, communication, visitations, behaviors, etc.
- Find support - therapy, friends, or groups
- Try family mediation to create parenting plan instead of relying on the Court's standard (Only if both parents participate)
- Attend conflict/parental coaching
- Seek legal help for legal issues
KEEPING FAMILIES OUT OF COURT
Family courts interpret the law, not solve relationship issues or solutions that help everyone in the family. Generally, Courts want the child to have a relationship with both parents, assuming that it's a healthy relationship. However, in parental alienation, the alienator damages the loving relationship between the child and the targeted parent, which makes it difficult for courts to see how they abuse the system until it's too late.
It's often difficult to find solutions that stick because, typically, the alienator doesn't follow the rules. As a result, both parents spend thousands of dollars on legal fees. Parental alienation cases are difficult and very expensive to fight in Court. There are many steps in taking a case to trial. Litigation causes financial stress on both parents and emotional strain on everyone involved and costs thousands and thousands of dollars. It requires lots of evidence, including custody evaluations, depositions, and testifying witnesses. Often times the children have to testify and will lie because of the manipulation, gaslighting, and brainwashing.
Most courts don't recognize parental alienation or don't have the education or experience to deal with these types of cases unless they've personally experienced it.
Many aspects of a divorce and custody modifications can be resolved using alternative dispute resolution, such as family mediation and coaching. Mediation offers an opportunity to customize a parenting plan created by both parents. Often the plan is a better option than the Court's standard.